Don’t be the other woman

The brain has an amazing ability to protect itself. Wounds from our childhood can cause us to hemorrhage unless our brain stops the bleeding. It does this by blocking out all traumatic memories. My brain has taken the opposite approach, however. It can recall in the greatest detail good and bad events from my childhood. Even though I was not quite talking, I can recall my favorite dress, the shabby playhouse in our backyard and even the toys I loved. Those were all pleasant memories. But I also remember the not-so-pleasant ones: those are the details my brain will not let me forget.

Around the age of nine, I spent an enjoyable day at the fair with my parents. As we were leaving, a young, beautiful brunette ran up to my dad and threw her arms around him. My dad graciously accepted the hug. He was good-looking, with a bright smile and charming ways; these qualities made him very attractive to women. The woman was flirtatious and wasn’t as excited to meet my mother or my dad’s three children. This seemingly minor event caused a major argument. My parents fought for the full forty-five-minute drive home and well into the night. This was not the first time a woman had been overly friendly with my dad, and not the last time my mom would be jealous.

I know my dad was not innocent in this situation. He loved to add to my mom’s insecurities. She accused him of cheating, though he denied it. This was the same argument, just a new woman. But this one event shaped who I am today. As a young girl, I decided I would never want to be the cause of such intense jealousy, or damage someone else’s marriage. The unknown woman probably never realized the uproar she had caused. I came to understand that when you’re married there is no such thing as “innocent flirting.”

As a wife, I have an even deeper appreciation for women who don’t flirt with my husband, but I also understand that not every woman will be so considerate. Some women crave attention from men, even when they know they’re married. They never give a passing thought to the wife, who has invested her life in this one individual, or the insecurities it may bring to the surface. Some husbands will encourage this behavior which only adds to the cycle of jealousy. Security in a marriage is priceless! I understand the struggles, which is why I respect other wives, and I have made a vow that I will never be the other woman.

PERSEVERE

This is my mantra: PERSEVERE, PERSEVERE, PERSEVERE! What is perseverance? Adherence to a course of action, belief, or purpose with steadfastness. To stay the course, to hold steady in the wind, to be firm and resolved about your purpose. I would much rather be flighty, restless and squirrelly (as my dad would say). If you have seen a squirrel trying to cross the road in a frantic, confused manner, you can picture how I usually live my life.

Persevering means to continue on a course even when it’s lost its pizzazz, sparkle and newness. It’s looking at the path far ahead and plotting the right direction. This can be difficult in an instant-gratification society. When you don’t like your job, you quit, when your car loses its new smell, it’s time to upgrade, when your spouse seems dull, you trade them in for a new one.

Anyone who is truly successful has learned to master perseverance. They have experienced all the phases: Phase 1) Newness and excitement. Phase 2) Challenges and overcoming difficulty. Phase 3) Mastery and monotony. Phase 4) Persevering.

I love the first stage. The "what if" stage. The possibilities are limitless. A new love, a new job, a new business, a new house, a new town. It's easy to want to stay in this stage, to live only on excitement. When phase two starts and you feel the slight twinge of discomfort from dealing with challenges and difficulties you are ready to abandon ship. But if you do, you will never make it to the crucial stage: the phase of perseverance. Without it, we give up too soon. With it, the rewards are finally realized, and our efforts and endurance are returned with interest.

Life gives you character

I love to drive down a road full of houses with character. The ones that have stood the test of time, that are unequal. Age only makes them more remarkable. They are not cheap, and are truly unique—they have been built with patience and quality. They have a personality all their own. That is how a home should look, and how it should feel. Unfortunately, most homes today are built in a rush, without thought for excellence.

Based completely on emotion we decided to buy a house that is exactly 100 years old. It is slightly quirky and by no means perfect. Some days I adore it, other days, it's faults drive me crazy. It has a personality all it's own, and it feels like home.

People can also posses this same amount of character. Age only seems to enhance their excellence. They have let time refine them, and they have built their lives with patience and quality. They are not perfect but when you are with them, you feel like you are home. If you have a chance to meet someone like this, savor every moment, be in awe! Learn from them!

We are not born with character; life gives us our flavor. It may be bitter, sweet, sour, spicy, even odd. Someone with character will tell you where you stand. You will be able to trust them with your life. Their trials have enhanced them. They are empathic. They are wise. You are better, because of knowing them. They have stood the test of time, they are unique: life has given them character.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket

This is one expression both my parents could agree on. I heard it over and over as a child. It is very easy to put all of your energy into one thing. It may be a job, a relationship, money, your mate, your friends. Your identity is based on that one thing. If it fails, you’re a failure; if it succeeds, you’re a success.

My husband was a good example of this. He worked at a winery, where most of his time and energy was spent. He loved it! It gave him value and worth. He had other priorities, but this was his biggest. But this all changed the day we had our daughter. Now the winery didn’t seem as important. He knew he had to make a change. So he did the unthinkable, and quit. When he quit, he lost all his eggs. He lost his identity, his value, his worth.

This was a valuable lesson that he willingly learned. Some people are not given the option. Many don’t realize they have put so much emphasis on one thing until it’s gone. Maybe they have neglected friends and family in order to put all their energy into their marriage. Perhaps they have neglected all of their friends and family to concentrate on their career. The disaster is just waiting to happen. The day the basket breaks. The day the mate leaves, or the job is lost.

Just like the stock market, the safest course is diversification. To have many assets spread evenly across the board. To keep all things balanced and in proper perspective. Develop friendships with a variety of people. Enjoy your mate, but don’t neglect your family. Appreciate your career, but know it’s just one of your assets. Remember that all things in life are transient. A job can be gone tomorrow, a family member lost indefinitely, a friendship severed. Choose the best eggs carefully, treat them delicately and make sure you don’t put them all in one basket.