Alcohol ruins your potential

My mom pleaded, my dad swore. Swore that he would stop. Swore that he had stopped. But he did not stop. Alcohol never resides alone. It shares a home with deceit, justification, resentment and anguish. I have seen alcohol destroy many a life, mine included. My dad was an alcoholic. In a perfect world, he would have stopped drinking when my mom asked him to. This is not a prefect world.

I have always wondered what our lives would have been like if my dad had not drunk. He was an amazing father, a hard worker, talented, funny and charming. But that was in spite of alcohol. How much more would he have accomplished without it? My dad did stop drinking, too late to save his marriage, but not too late to undo the hurt he caused his children. He was able to redeem himself, to set things right, to live up to his potential.

I have no words of wisdom for those who rely on alcohol to cope with life. Even when my dad was sober, we all knew he had a shadow following him. Somehow he found the strength to beat this enemy. It was his battle, and none of us waged it for him. I see the same struggle with other family members. I love them dearly, but I can’t fix them. When you’re a functioning alcoholic, you exist, you work, you marry, you have children, you’re alive, but you’re never truly living. How many people have wasted all the gifts they never knew they had on a cold, hard bottle? How much potential is buried in that one drink? I hope that, like my dad, others give themselves a chance to live without alcohol, to make it right, to find the strength to reach their potential.

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We all live with our mistakes

This goes hand in hand with forgiveness, because sometimes we think it is our job to punish people for treating us badly. “I’m going to make them pay!” “They’ll regret ever hurting me.” “I’ll get them back!”

But I have some good news for you! When someone has a tendency to treat people badly and does not take others’ feelings into account, they will end up hurting themselves more than anything you could ever do to them. I’m not saying this will happen overnight. And sometimes we may not think it’s a mistake at the time. Take, for example, a parent who works excessively and does not have time to spend with their children. They may reason: I am working hard so that I can provide a nice home, clothing and a comfortable lifestyle for my kids. Truthfully, those are all good things, and there is no right answer. The problem will come twenty years from now, when the children are grown. How will they feel? Will they be thankful that you provided them with an abundant home, designer clothing and all the best money can buy, or will they be resentful because they felt you were never around when they needed you most?

Or let’s use a more black-and-white decision as an example: to have an extramarital affair. You can do it—many people do—and you probably won’t get arrested, but what consequences will you have to live with from that one mistake? Divorce, guilt, loss of trust. You may not see the consequences right away, because you are caught up in the moment, but there will be consequences and they will produce a ripple effect for years to come.

My parents, my grandparents, my aunts, my uncles, my brother and my sister, as well as myself, are all living with our mistakes. No one can do more damage than we can do to ourselves. So when you feel like it’s your job to get even, just step back and smile, fully confident that things have a funny way of coming back around.