Feelings are real

It didn’t take me many episodes of Wonder Woman to believe in super-hero’s. My favorite part of the show was when Dr. Don’t Feel That Way would use his emotions-be-gone gun to numb some distraught, sad, angry, villain or victim. With the pull of the trigger all the negative feelings were vaporized. - Okay so Dr. Don’t Feel That Way never existed, but some days I wish he did.

Life would be much simpler if I could compartmentalize my feelings. I would have the -un- category: unworthy, unloved, unattractive, unforgiving, unsuccessful and unthankful. In close second would be the -dis- category: disappointed, disapproving, discontent, disheartened, and distressed. Each day I could stuff them away and around tax time I could give myself an emotional audit to see how good or bad my year was.

Instead my feelings create a life of their own. The easiest choice is to ignore them. If you see them on the street, don’t even glance their direction. If you pretend you never saw them, eventually they’ll disappear, right? Wrong! You may not see them anymore, but everyone else will. They’ll notice the constant irritation, the melancholy spirit, the negative attitude. The other option is to greet them and have a long needed conversation. This may turn into a confrontation: the logical brain and the irrational heart in a heated dispute. Eventually though, they may begin to understand each other.

Feelings are not easy to change, some might say impossible but I have hope that the more I face my negative emotions, the more I understand what they are trying to tell me, the sooner they’ll vaporize. Feelings are the least logical thing on the planet. They don’t involve your brain, they involve your heart. Most of my feelings are not based on reasoning, they’re not always accurate, they may even be delusional, but without a doubt, they are real.

We will recover

Humans are resilient. We have the ability to recover from illness, change or misfortune. We can be stretched, pulled, compressed and bent in multiple directions and yet retain our original shape. We survive. There is an internal strength that we all have, whether we’ve had to use it or not. It is the lifeboat waiting to carry us to safety when the ship sinks.

I have seen this amazing quality displayed repeatedly. When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, my grandmother was diagnosed with colon cancer. She was rushed in for emergency surgery and told that if she did not undergo chemotherapy she would not survive more than a few years. She chose not to have further treatment. Somehow, thirteen years later, she is not only surviving, she is thriving.

An adored friend of mine was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. She underwent almost a year of chemotherapy and radiation. All around her (myself included) soon realized just how wimpy we were and how vigorous she was. She handled the ordeal with grace and determination. The last time I saw her, she looked beautiful. She had been stretched and pulled, but bounced back to who she was before.

Some things are not optional. The only way we survive is by trudging through the swamp and not giving up along the way. It may be the most difficult thing we will ever endure, and we may not think we can last another day, but somehow we do. The hard times soon become a distant memory and we look back, amazed that we are still alive. We find strength that had been there all along and it gives us confidence that, whatever the future holds, we will recover.

Change is not impossible

There are habits so deeply ingrained in each of us that it would be easier to alter the course of the Colorado River than reshape our lives. Unfortunately, these changes must come in order for us to grow and to be true to ourselves.

I have experienced many changes in the last few years, but my biggest battle has been with myself. Adversity brings out weaknesses, and I have realized that I am riddled with inadequacy. Each quality is permanently attached and will require invasive surgery to fully remove. If I survive going under my own knife I will live up to my full potential. I hope it’s worth the risk!

The majority of people, want to change but only accomplish it for a fleeting moment. Some have no desire to change, but often need it the most. And then there are the extraordinary few who are determined and have the tenacity not only to transform themselves, but to hold on to their newfound strength.

Sometimes it is easier to put on a performance. It’s simpler than exposing your most fragile limitations. Change starts with reflection, continues with dedication and persists with diligence. It will be a tedious process, but not an impossible one.

It’s not about things, it’s about people

I am about things, not people. I wake up thinking of all the things I need to accomplish. This habitual “multi-tasking” leaves me concentrating on my to-do list. If you need my time, let me know and I can pencil you in. So how does being about things and not people ruin you?

Life is about people. Some people alter who we are. Others let us change them. It’s like the tides: you can’t control them, you just learn to appreciate the high and lows. How long would you be happy without people? We need them just as much as they need us. How much of our happiness is dependent on things?

The people who make the biggest impact on our lives are never about things. They appreciate your value. They cherish their relationships, and that is what makes them rich. My dad was one of these people. He always found the time just for you. I always thought I was one of the few my dad would call regularly, but at his funeral I realized he kept in touch with everyone. His life was about people.

When we base our lives around things, people get crowded out. We miss the precious moments that can never be duplicated. We don’t enjoy the laughter, we have no time for solitude, we miss the abundance of the little things around us. The most valuable treasure is our memories. We never remember how much that car loved us, or how great that television treated us. The inanimate things fade from our minds. But we do remember how our children smelled, how someone felt in our arms, the sound of our favorite laugh, the sparkle of adored eyes. These are small things that happen every second of every day. They make an imprint on our soul, never to be erased. Life is about people, not things.