Old age brings out your worst qualities

I have met some amazingly happy people. Their eyes still have a mischievous twinkle and the lines on their faces show a life full of smiles. They are kind and spirited and still enjoy life to its fullest.

I also have met a few that have none of those things. Life has sucked out their vitality. They have a permanent frown. They have never discovered the wisdom that comes with age, and are the true definition of misery.

I got married very young. Most consider this a handicap, but I looked at it as an advantage. I had not become set in my ways. My husband and I have grown up together. If I had to get married today, I would have a much harder time being adaptable. I am a creature of habit, and my habit is to have things my way. Age has enhanced my worst qualities.

If you are generally a happy, flexible, good-natured person, you will probably stay that way. You will age gracefully, and will appreciate the wisdom that comes with experience. Your life will reflect joy and peace. You will be surrounded by people who adore you and value your input.

On the other hand, if you’re grouchy, set in your ways, dogmatic, bitter and judgmental at a young age, life will only get worse with time. As you age, you no longer care what other people think, and politeness is a waste of time. The true you is magnified, and unfortunately for all around you, your worst qualities become larger than life.

Enjoy the small gifts

It seems that when we are at our lowest point in life, we are given a small gift. It is a tiny gift that makes us smile despite our despair. If you’ve never experienced this, it doesn’t mean it did not happen; just that you didn’t notice it.

Every time I see a rainbow I think of my dad. I saw a rainbow the week of his funeral. I was exhausted and overwhelmed with grief. My daughter and I were driving back to my dad’s house and in the green valley below was a flawless rainbow. The kind with a pot of gold at the bottom. Despite my misery, I had to smile. I felt thankful to be alive and to be there at that precise moment. It was a gift and I am glad I received it.

That same week, I decided to visit one of my dad’s favorite spots. It was a swinging bridge in the village of Arroyo Grande. He loved taking his children and grandchildren there. I planned on going and wallowing in my sorrow. Fortunately, I was not allowed to do this. Instead, an extremely amorous rooster jumped up on the bench with me and started doing a mating dance. His desperation brought a smile to my face. It was a tiny, happy gift.

The breathtaking sunset, the look your pet gives you when you get home, the smell of honeysuckle in the warm air, someone telling you they love you, all tiny, happy gifts. Even when you are content, it gives you peace when you notice the abundance around you. Life is hectic and rushed and daily small gifts go unobserved. As I frantically tried to get my children ready for school, I pulled out a paper from my youngest child’s backpack. It was her standing under a rainbow picking flowers. Since she is just learning to spell she had written: "I like to pig faurs." I felt thankful to be alive and to be there at that precise moment. It was a gift and I am glad I received it. No matter how disappointing life feels, it is full of gifts. But some are so tiny that you need 20/20 vision to see them.

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Don’t always share your accomplishments

“Misery loves company!” is a quote I heard often as a child. But if that quote is true, then there should be a counterweight: “Delight disgusts the depressed.” When you are down in the dumps, wallowing in the misery of life, the last thing you want is a phone call from “Chipper Joe” telling you what an amazing event he just experienced. It feels like pouring jalapeño juice into an open wound.

You have to be tactful when you experience both joy and misery. You’ll find a rare few who will want to support you in both, but the odds are against you. The majority of people only like to hear your good news when they are having their own success, and even then they will feel much more satisfaction from your failure.

This seems to be human nature. Secretly, we want to be the most successful, beautiful, smart, lucky and talented. We usually come to the realization at some point (for me it was in kindergarten) that we are not, but the illusion persists. Our brain is a magician. It can pull any rabbit out of the hat, and this one is called envy.

You may have met this rabbit called Envy: he’s green, and he also goes by the names Rivalry, Jealousy and Covetousness. The feeling starts as a small twinge in the pit of your stomach, which turns into a day of “Why me? Everyone else has all the luck. It’s not fair!” In one short conversation, “Chipper Joe” has pushed you off the edge of the steep ravine, into the ditch of dismay.

The wisdom comes in knowing who to call on your brilliant days and who to run to on your foggy days. Wisely choose those who will enjoy your success and shine from your accomplishments, as opposed to those secretly hoping that your ship will run ashore. Your success should be shared, just not with everyone!

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