Do the opposite

If you are successful in all areas of life, do not apply this lesson! But for the rest of us, here is a little trick I’ve learned. Some people can make money in their sleep but can’t make a marriage last past the honeymoon. Others are sensitive and capable in relationships, but encounter one disaster after another in financial matters. Then there are those that fail at everything. They have no money, no family, no friends. Something went terribly wrong.

So what do you do? How can you help someone in this predicament? Three little words may open the universe: DO THE OPPOSITE! If every choice you have made up until now has resulted in failure, maybe the problem is not you, it’s the choices you’re making.

We all are creatures of habit: we will make a pattern for ourselves and use it over and over again. If we have an accurate pattern, we can end up with a nicely fitting garment. If the pattern is distorted or flawed, we may not realize it until we try on our new outfit and see the lopsided results.

It’s the same with our choices. We may not realize we have been using distorted or flawed reasoning until we experience the bad ending. This trick does not take much effort. This is how it works: You’re upset, or someone has treated you rudely. What is your reaction? Lash out, ignore them, get even. What is the last thing you would do? Buy them flowers, give them a hug, smile. Then that’s the right choice!

You may not see instantaneous results. But be patient, stick with it. Try it for one week. If you want to spend money, don’t. If you want to nag your mate, compliment them instead. If you want to yell at your children, give them a hug. It may be the easiest way to change your life. No counseling, no hypnosis, no reliving your childhood—all it takes is the simple step of doing the opposite.

I don’t believe in luck

“If it wasn’t for BAD luck he would have no luck at all.” I have heard this expression many times in reference to my family members. They are the unfortunate few that seem to never get a break, who always seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and who only attract bad luck. So it may surprise you that I don’t believe in luck.

I don’t always make the right choices, but I have learned that I can adapt and make the best of a bad situation. Luck is giving up your control to chance. But most things don’t happen by chance. They happen by diligence and perseverance. The best inventions did not come from luck. They came from ingenuity and hard work. They came from years of persistence that led to one amazing day of discovery. But when the story is told, those details are left out and it becomes all about luck.

There are always random, unexpected events beyond our control. Sometimes these fall in our favor; other times we are dealt a bad hand. The ones who appear lucky are the ones who use the adversity as an opportunity to learn. They walk away from a negative experience with a new perspective and outlook on life. The unlucky can be playing with the same cards, but end up folding. They give up before the game gets exciting. The adversity creates bitterness and self-pity. They are poor losers.

My odds are 50/50. I can use hard work, a sense of humor, ingenuity and determination to tip them in my favor. I can look for opportunities as they arrive and let life teach me with the bitter and the sweet. I don’t believe in luck, but I do believe in myself!

Regret is our GPS

Regret goes hand-in-hand with loss. What kind of regrets will we have in life? How many decisions do you look back on and wish you could change? When you face loss, you always will have regrets. This is true not just with the death of a loved one, but with anything in life, including the loss of your job, your home or your spouse.

The worst part of regret is that, if you don’t have any, you will never learn from your mistakes. On the other hand, if you have too many, you will always be looking behind you and never move forward. So the lesson I learned is this: when you feel regret, stop and think about what it’s trying to tell you.

I regret that, during the last conversation I had with my dad, I was too busy to stop and cherish our talk. I didn’t sit down and enjoy our conversation. Did I tell him I loved him? I don’t remember—I was in too much of a rush. So what does this tell me? That, as usual, I was being impatient and thinking about things and not people.

My regrets are unsettling. They make me doubt my future decisions and also make me aware of my many failures. Regrets are much like a Global Positioning System. They are the annoying voice reminding you that somewhere along the trip you have gotten off course. They alert us when we have gone in the wrong direction. They prod us to take a new route. We may choose to ignore the advice our regrets are offering, but that will only result in us becoming thoroughly lost. On the other hand, if we listen to our regrets, we can change our path and safely arrive at our preprogrammed destination. We all know where we want to go; the hard part is arriving at our destination. Next time the annoying voice of regret tries to speak, it’s best to listen. Chances are, you have made a wrong turn somewhere along the way.


What are your biggest regrets? What have you learned from regret?

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