Struggle transforms

It seems that things often work out, for a reason beyond our comprehension. The things we fight and deny are the same things we need the most. I have seen a golden thread spun out of many bad situations. Perhaps you would rather avoid the grief; but if you can’t, at least you can let it mold you.

The last time I had dinner with my family, I felt overwhelming gratitude. I was happy and content. Sadly, it has taken me many years and much struggle to reach this point, but I have finally found peace. My husband asked me later, “Would you have believed ten years ago that you would feel this way?” Not a chance!

My dad’s death has opened many doors for his wife. I am sure she would have preferred to avoid the sadness of his loss, but she couldn’t. The choices she has made since his death are probably not the same ones she would have made before his death. She has taken a bad situation and found the golden thread.

Being an awkward child, I fought learning how to ride my bike. I was content running after all the kids on our block as they glided around on their bicycles. Finally my family had enough and I was forced to learn something most children can’t wait to master. It took much patience, and quite a few tears—mostly from those trying to teach me—but I finally got it. After all the struggle, my life improved. Something that had seemed impossible now was effortless.

Life can be the same way. We instinctively recoil when a difficulty is placed in our lap. As if it were a snake, we panic and push it away, pretending it doesn’t exist. We try to get as far away as possible. But this often just prolongs the agony. Struggling is an indicator that we are under construction. It means that we are changing and learning, not only about things around us, but about our own strength. It may require patience and quite a few tears, but after all the struggle, something that seemed impossible will become effortless. We will emerge like butterflies, amazed at our own capacity to transform.

Your parents did have sex

This idea might make you squeamish. You have two graying, slightly plump people, whose passion seems to have faded and whose biggest concern is the lost remote control. You know them well: they’re your parents. How could these same people ever have been young, vibrant and amorous? It’s a truth no child wants to come face to face with.

It is much easier to believe that your parents only had relations the few times it took to create you and your siblings. Then you reach adulthood. You are young, vibrant and amorous and you wonder: is this how my parents felt? The hormones rage, and you are endowed with passion. You know, in an untapped part of your brain, that at one time your parents were the same way, but this fact you would rather deny.

This is hard to accept when your parents are still happily married after four or five decades. It’s even harder when they are divorced. There is usually an overabundance of animosity. The hatred runs deep. They are now passionately repulsed. But despite this repulsion, thankfully, they still managed to create you.

Sometime before you were born, two people were enamored of each other, enough to take the ultimate plunge into intimacy. They may try to deny this, but don’t be fooled—you are living proof. So the next time you’re with your parents, or your grandparents for that matter, thank them. Their passion is what brought you into this world. It may have been fleeting, it may be long gone, but it did exist. You may never like the idea, but it’s a fact that your parents did have sex.

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